day 14: i crawled out of bed to write this

i almost forgot!

my run today was gorgeous. like, look up and die because it's the perfect shade of miracle blue gorgeous.

the first two and a half miles or so were pretty exhausting, somewhat excruciating but finally i hit the running sweet spot (well, as close as i've gotten in this round of training) where i felt like i could run for much longer. the last mile was still hard, but whatever. i'm not expecting easy runs for another few weeks.

also, apparently i ran like 6.8mph-ish, which is great considering i was trying to pace myself and not wear myself out. so...exciting! i have to increase by at least 0.1mph a week to get to my goal for the 10k.

things i learned about food today:
-soy sauce actually has a significant amount of protein, as in like 12 or 13 grams per cup. then again hopefully no one actually uses a cup in anything, because your blood pressure might literally cause your body to explode.
-you can freeze leftover buttermilk! i've been trying to figure out a way to use mine (left over from last week's frittata breakfast) and i'm making biscuits and custard this week, but i really can't bake much more than that..i already have more food than i can eat!
-french toast is a terrible breakfast on a normal day because it's SO sugary. i might save it for a mid-morning snack or something tomorrow and make my real breakfast earlier. i still have two big pieces left...when did i start making more food than i can eat? probably when i started to eat things with lots of protein. side note: this is more meat that i can remember eating at any other point in my life. i was a vegetarian for almost four years before i decided it made more sense to me to support ethical/sustainable farming practices since, let's face it, americans will never stop eating meat, but we can change the way it affects our environment. another post on that later.

for now:


food
1/2 serving french toast: 227c, 7.5p, 0.5f
cherry tomato pasta: 328c, 11p, 3f
greek yogurt (the kind with protein! not the fake stuff i've been tricked into buying..): 140c, 14p, 0f
1/4c homemade granola: 120c, 2.5p, 2f
2 homemade biscuits: 106c, 3p, 0f (they are baby-sized...small enough for a baby to eat, not the size of a baby)
spicy asian lettuce wraps: 200c, 28p, 0f
the last of the strawberry tart (now soggy...ew): 235c, 4p, 2.5f

totals: 1356c, 70p, 7.5f
i need to start getting way more fiber still! ugh. so many goals. but at least i'm getting enough protein now.

exercise
 running: 40 minutes at 6.8mph = 4.5mi = 531c

net: 825c

that is still way too low. i'm annoyed with myself for that.

i'm also nervous about weighing myself tomorrow morning for the following reasons:
a) my body seriously doesn't shed weight.
b) i think the time i weighed myself and thought i'd lost over 4 pounds, it must have been a fluke. i haven't been able to repeat it since....maybe i was just extremely dehydrated?
c) i'm excited about where i am with my health, cooking, eating, running and living and don't want to get derailed because my scale tells me that i'm a fatty

weekly stats:
goal 1: posting at least every other day. CHECK.
goal 2: keep logs of food and exercise. CHECK.
average food totals: 1579c, 61p, 14f
average calories burned through exercise per day: 341c
average net: 1,184
goal 3: try a new thing each week. CHECK. (i tried a new bike path on friday! before my chain broke. again.)
goal 4: spend an hour outside a day. CHECK. (i've still been forgetting to blog about this...probably because it's been so easy lately!)
goal 5: mindfulness in healthy living. CHECK. another great, mindful week. i love what the protein is doing to my body, and when i realized that i had a headache and was tired today, i figured out that i hadn't been taking my vitamin d. fixed that problem, hopefully.

goals for this week:
more fiber!!
hit net 1,200 calories most days. my average was okay this week but only because i ate a lot two days. it was way too low for most days.
increase speed for long run to 6.9mph, at least for a lap (2.7 miles)
in any case, this is not time to test how i'm doing, not quite yet
remember to blog about being outside and mindfulness.

i'll post that weight loss/inches thing tomorrow. wish me luck!

oh, and by the way, i'm going to have to re-name my bike. thanks a lot, emily.

any suggestions? i want something sort of regal, maybe a little nerdy, and definitely male.

<3
a

update: as suspected, i didn't even lose a pound. yes, some of it is because i'm building muscle but not all of it can be? i'm annoyed. maybe it's because i eat so many carbs, but i sort of need those if i run like i have been...arghhh

day 13: things that usually come with bacon

kelly and i made a fantastic brunch today including this phenomenal french toast that i've been wanting to try since i saw the recipe a few weeks ago.

i spent much of the rest of the day in bed, avoiding plans i made in favor of my gorgeous windows and the breeze shuffling through my room. it was so worth it.

then, barbeque time. which meant that yes, i was outside for more than an hour today. and although i'm dreading work tomorrow, i think it's time to settle back into a normal routine. oh, and i just bought greek yogurt that ACTUALLY is greek yogurt and has protein. so get excited for THOSE food entries! (i know you always do.)

food
creme brulee french toast: 453c, 13p, 1f
two strips turkey bacon: 80c, 12p, 0f
1/2 orange: 20c, 0.5p, 1f
avocado sandwich: 500c, 10p, 8f
strawberry tart: 235c, 4p, 2.5f
burger: 250c, 19p, 0f
rosemary bun: 240c, 7p, 2f

totals: 1778c, 65.5p, 14.5f

okay, moral of the story is i need way more fiber. but i think the menu for this week will take care of that.

exercise
day off! yay mondays.

day 12: bam

i just ran over 6.6 miles in 60 minutes. new goal for 10k (in six weeks): under 52 minutes

food
whole wheat oatmeal pancake: 100c, 7p, 1.5f
1 piece french toast: 90c, 5p, 1f
maple syrup: 52c, 0, 0
cinnamon latte with soy: 437c, 9p, 1f
tuna/avocado sandwich: 431c, 17.5p, 5.5f
1/4 medium cantaloupe: 47c, 1p, 1f

totals:  1157c, 39.5p, 10f

exercise
running: 6.6 miles in 60 minutes = 775c

net: 382.

i have some eating to do.

food [update]
graham crackers: 210c, 3p, 4.5f
1 tbsp peanut butter: 100c, 4p, 1f
grilled chicken sandwich with fries: 750c, 30p, 1f
2 vodka diets: 110, 0p, 0f
pretzel stick: 150, 4, 0

updated total: 2477c, 80.5p, 16.5f
net: 1702

okay. so that's a little high..i overdid it a little. but my average net intake for the week is still under 1,100. i'm getting there. at least 1200 each day. let's do this.

day 11 part 2: geese

i went running, as promised. a somewhat excruciating 30 minutes, which seems sort of pathetic, but what are you gonna do. it was hot, i was tired and dehydrated, and distracted by all of the geese.

the lake by my house has unreasonable amounts of GIANT GEESE. the kind that are sort of cute and wildlife-y, but mostly terrifying. today i saw a kid (probably 7 years old) squirting at them with a water gun. i wanted to stop and warn him that they bite, but sometimes people need to learn their own lessons.

so, yeah. that run. and then i went to get the chain put back on my bike..again. while putting my front wheel back on (i took it off yesterday so my bike would fit in rachel's car), maimed myself yet again. the universe really doesn't want me to be good at bikes.

one of my billion goals for today is to actually eat 1,500 calories. so, i'm writing early to start tracking my food/exercise. i'll update it as the day goes on.

and for now....i'm going on a bike ride! wish my chain luck.

also, my bike's name is winston. it was a debate between that and gordon, but i don't know a winston and have no associations, so...that's it. winston wins. "wince" for short. because of the maiming.

[update]
winston's chain fell off after 20 minutes. i don't think it's that i'm an idiot about changing gears...i'm pedaling, allowing the bike to adjust to one gear before moving to another etc. BUT IT'S STILL FALLING OFF. i called the bike shop where i bought it today to ask them to look at it but it's closed until wednesday. fml. the universe clearly does not want me to be in shape for the commuter challenge.

food
half a serving of frittata: 114c, 7p, 0.5f
half a serving of asparagus: 30c, 1p, 1f
1 tsp parmesan: 10c, 1p, 0f
avocado and tuna sandwich on a wheat roll: 431c, 17.5p, 5.5f

totals so far: 585c, 26.5p, 7f
eek.

exercise
30 minutes running: 379c

food [updated]
four graham crackers: 140c, 2p, 3f
1 tbsp peanut butter: 100c, 4p, 1f
salad with roasted veggies, nuts, soy/pb dressing, feta: 120c, 4p, 1f
two glasses white wine: 240c, 0, 0
beer: 177c, 0, 0
1/2 piece cheesecake: 160c, 6p, 1f

totals: 1522c, 36.5p, 9f

exercise [updated]
20 min biking: 167c

net: 976c.

GAHHHH!

day 11: yes, i realize these colors are sort of ugly..

i got bored, and then unmotivated. this is what happens. going for a run as soon as i digest these vegetables..

day 10: friday failday

hello dear ones. happy friday!

let's start off with the good stuff:

i, ana, have lost 4.2 pounds since last monday. i never, ever, EVER lose weight. this is a wonderful, motivating start.

now, the bad.

so, on my day off, i failed at ALL of the three exercise things i was going to do:
a) slept in, missed my planned time for yoga
b) my haircut took TWO HOURS, missed time to run
c) as i was biking on my way home from taking my car in, THE CHAIN FELL OFF again.
d) i just got home, thought i might do some yoga, then did a check-in and realized my continued state of exhaustion. stop it, body.

also, i definitely went about five hours without eating anything, which is a major problem for me. i'm one of those people that needs periodic meals, and i wasn't prepared for a TWO HOUR HAIRCUT on my VERY SHORT HAIR (by the way she left it wet, so it wasn't even styling) which sort of snowballed my day.

it's okay. tomorrow morning, i'm going to wake up, do the run i was supposed to do today, get the chain put back on my bike, go on a long bike ride and do some yoga. it will be amazing.

(i need to pre-burn some calories for the creme brulee emily and i are making tomorrow. yum.)

it's alright. i'm starting to get to the point in life where i realize that not exercising one day will not kill you, but not making up for it the next day might.

i also want to actually eat at least 1,500 calories a day. it's disturbing me a little that i'm below that level. it doesn't seem like a good idea in any way.

well, as mom would say: onward and upward.

food
vegetable frittata: 227c, 15p, 1f
4 graham cracker squares: 140c, 2p, 3f
1 tbsp neufchatel: 35c, 1p, 0f
2 tangerines: 70c, 1p, 3f
1 wheat roll: 203c, 5p, 3f
1/2 avocado: 115c, 1.5p, 4.5f
roma tomato: 35, 1, 1
1 tbsp butter: 102, 0, 0
1/2 small movie popcorn: 315, 2, 4


daily totals: 1242c, 28.5p, 19.5f

exercise
only about 20 minutes of biking (stupid chain): 145 calories (thanks, hills)

net: 1097 calories

by the way! if anyone has suggestions for topics or things you'd like me to write about, please send them my way. thank you for reading!

<3
a

day 9: eating in public

today is one of those days that i'm really grateful for. despite having had two days off this week, it's been a ridiculously stressful one. work has been insanely busy and somewhat high-stakes lately, and even my day off felt somehow marked by the gloominess of work stress. additionally, i've been busy! good busy, happy busy, but busy. and when you somehow have to fit in a run every single night and eat well so you don't have to tell your bloggers that you ate an entire box of thin mints in one setting, a lot of your time goes into making sure that you don't eat the things that will show up on your thighs later.

but today was beautiful and inspiring and lovely, if a little boring (all day meeting). but then i got to sit out by the lake with liz!!!! who is one of my two best friends that was gone for a year (gr) but is now back (yay). and it was nice to sit there and watch people running by and know that i'm one of them. i'm not the same person that is scared of food.

which brings me to my next topic: secret eating.

when i was little, i was often encouraged to clean my plate, as we all are. lucky for me, i grew up in a very, very italian family with grandparents with accents and an inability to hear the words "no, thank you, i'm full" and "no, grandpa, i'm not on a diet, i just don't want my stomach to explode" and, "but, grandma, i ate two pieces of chicken already." in their world, if you refuse food, you refuse love. and for good reason, because have you had authentic italian food? yum.

in other realms of my life, too, food was always something to conquer. i had to eat the entirety of the adult meal i ordered at a restaurant to please whoever bought it, i needed to eat an entire bag of macintosh apples because they were fresh from the tree, i had to eat the leftovers before someone else got to them etc. etc. etc.

of course, most of this was in my head. but it stayed there for way too long.

as soon as i was old enough to see how big i was getting (let's say eight years old), i started to feel a little bit ashamed about how i ate, what i ate and everything surrounding that. it got worse in middle school and high school and especially when i had a car and could take secret study breaks to go buy something terrible for me and eat it in one sitting. that's the thing about over-eating: you assume that you shouldn't eat something, so you need to eat all of it to start fresh tomorrow. which of course doesn't make any sense, and we know that, but continue to to do it. in college, stress eating was the way i handled a lot of things after freshman year, hence the weight gain, the increasingly awful mood, the decrease in sociability...when i was unhappy, i was off on my own eating. and none of my friends had a clue.

even now, all the remnants are there. if i eat too much, no one will know. if i eat something unhealthy, i won't tell a soul i don't know intimately. for the most part, i'm better about the secret eating thing, because i realize how much it's a cycle:

1) eat something awful
2) feel bad about eating awful things
3) hide it
4) feel bad about hiding it
1) eat something awful

etc. etc.

i could go on and on, give you specifics about my sometimes terrible eating habits, but for the most part, i know better now. still, i think this is important background information to understand what a big step it is for me to write down everything i eat and post it somewhere.

and part of that thing that i do each week that we call baking deliciousness? that's to prove to myself that i can have whatever i want in the house and i don't have to eat it all or be afraid of eating it all. sometimes i fail, but most of the time i succeed. and i have strawberry tart to share with all my visitors.

alright. onward to the facts for the day.

food
two clementines: 70c, 1p, 3f
peach yogurt: 150c, 6p, 1f
1/4c granola (generic): 125c, 3p, 2.5f
1/4c blueberries: 21c, 0p, 1f
turkey burger: 150c, 22p, 0f
bun: 120c, 4p, 1f
1/2c composed salad: 95c, 2p, 1f
sun chips: 140c, 2p, 3f
asparagus with tarragon browned butter: 60c, 2.5p, 2.5f
chicken with goat cheese and onions: 274c, 39p, 2f

totals:  1205c, 81.5p, 17f


exercise
30 min running: 389c

net: 816

...which means that i need to eat some strawberry tart..
so add: strawberry almond tart: 235c, 4p, 2.5f

totals: 1440c, 85.5p, 19.5f
net: 1051

..better.

also, tomorrow i have the day off. i'm going to go on a long bike ride, get my hair cut, get my car detailed, do an hour of yoga, go for a run and...conquer the world.

thanks for being on the other side of my screen.

<3

PS i signed up for a 10k! july 9. anyone wanna run it with me??

day 8: first rushed post

...because i'm exhausted and really need to pretend to get enough sleep tonight.

food
breakfast: 2 small pancakes, 1 tangerine, 1 sausage link, 1 piece bacon, 2 strawberries, 1 tsp maple syrup
318c, 10.5p, 3f
one hot dog at the twins game!!!! with bun
330c, 10p, 1f
avocado sandwich with tuna
455c, 20p, 5f
half serving goat cheese chicken
137c, 19.5p, 1f

daily totals: 1240c, 60p, 10f
need: 260c, 13p, 15f

exercise
running: 2 minute intervals. 5 min warmup/cool down. 2 minutes recovery: 1 walk, 1 jog
about 380 calories

net: 860c

okay, guys. time for bed. promise to write again later. xoxo.

<3
a

day 7: things i forgot to do today

the main forgotten must-do was eat. i forgot my breakfast at home (i usually eat it while i'm going through e-mails at work in the morning), ate lunch, didn't have time for my afternoon snack and ate a delicious dinner whose caloric and nutritional content did not make up for the lack of eating.

things i forgot how to do today: shift gears effectively on a bike. equals my chain may or may not be hanging in an awkward spot that doesn't actually allow my bike to function. so far this is working out really, really well. (i'm taking it to the shop around the corner tomorrow.)  also, does anyone know where i can get a milk crate for the back?

in other news: yay week 1! i feel good, i feel freakishly energized and accomplished even though it's only been a few days.

food
daily: 1500c, 73p, 25f

avocado/tuna open-faced sandwich: 455c, 20p, 5f
shaved asparagus pizza (one serving for dinner and another after i realized i hadn't eaten and got back from my run understandably hungry): 500c, 20p, 6f

totals: 955, 40p, 11f
need: 545c, 33p, 14f

exercise
running: easy 30 min = 389 calories
(i ran 9 minute miles-ish today. again, not amazing yet. but my body is slowly but surely remembering what it's used to.)

net: 566

so what i should probably do is eat some chicken before i go to bed. it's late. i hate eating this late. but i guess i hate it less than waking up starving and not being able to eat like a normal human at all tomorrow?


changes my totals
food [update]
add chicken with goat cheese and onions: 274c, 39p, 2f
 totals: 1229c, 79p, 13f
need: 271c, 0p, 12f

net: 840c.

not amazing, but better.

also maybe i should do some weekly stats:
goal 1: posting at least every other day. CHECK.
goal 2: keep logs of food and exercise. CHECK.
average food totals: 1492c, 66p, 17f (need a little more protein, need more fiber! equals more fruit prolly)
average calories burned through exercise per day: 270c
average net: 1222c
goal 3: try a new thing each week. CHECK. (bike riding, bike buying. didn't work out so well, but i tried! will continue to try.)
goal 4: spend an hour outside a day. CHECK. (mostly.) although i definitely need to remember to blog about that.
goal 5: mindfulness in healthy living. CHECK. it's been a really wonderful, thoughtful week.

weight lost: 2.6 lbs. 27.4 to go!

....but i'm up too late again. time to go to bed.

<3
a

not bad.


<3
a

day 6: childhood injuries

i almost forgot to blog today! then i was sitting here thinking that i really, really, really need to go to bed...and i remembered. dear friends, gods of healthy living, i apologize wholeheartedly.

1) I BOUGHT A BIKE TODAY! thanks to miranda for the company/inspiration. i'm so excited that i'm actually going to wake up in the morning to go for a bike ride. i'm skipping the part, of course, where i tried out three bikes, could barely get on them, fell off two, needed a step-through because i can't handle bars, scraped my knee and have a horrendous scrape on my ankle that won't stop bleeding. but all in all a good experience.GO HERE IF YOU EVER NEED A BIKE! in the TC. they're freaking awesome:

2) kelly and i made the best strawberry tart that's ever existed (not that a bad one has ever existed). i'm really excited about it.

3) i didn't actually eat "dinner" until about half an hour ago, because i was distracted by the bike and the tart baking. but when i did eat, it was yummy.

4) i think i'm going to try to blog every day this month.

5) my new thing for the week? biking in minneapolis. that literally has not happened yet. it's about damn time.

6) i'm so cheerful it's a little terrifying.

food
daily: 1500c, 73p, 25f

vegetable frittata: 227c, 15p, 1f
tuna/avocado salad sandwich: 455c, 20p, 5f
granola with skim milk: 314c, 8.5p, 4f
strawberry almond tart: 235c, 4p, 2.5f
chicken with goat cheese and onions: 274c, 39p, 2f

daily totals: 1505c, 86.5p, 14.5f
need: about 10g more of fiber. but look at all that protein!

exercise
monday is the real (no optional cross-training) day off! whoo!

net: 1505c

mama's tired. time for bed.

<3
a

day 5: housekeeping (lit'rally)

today was rainy and gross, then breathtakingly beautiful, then rainy and gross again. yay weather sampler.

i had plans for the day but actually decided to cancel and spend the day at home cleaning (how matronly am i). i started at 9 and worked until....4:30. with about a ten minute break, maybe. but damn the apartment looks good. also, i calculated what seven hours of "light household cleaning" would burn and it's somewhere around 1,200 calories. not all of the cleaning i did was "light." but i've decided to not add "real," utilitarian exercise into this blog. i want to incorporate it into my life a lot more (which i already will because of the OUTSIDE BEAUTY), but for the sake of calorie counting i sort of just want to count running and maybe substantial bike riding. i think that makes sense, right?

sundays are long run days. my run today wasn't that bad, even after being slightly tired and semi-dehydrated from that cleaning thing, but it wasn't easy. i ran about 4.3 miles, which once upon a time was easy for me, but it's struggle again now. it's always hard to get back in shape. but that's okay, it's totally worth it.

here's another thing i'm wrestling with: should i increase my calorie intake to always be hitting a net of at least 1,200? i'm just going to kind of leave things how they are and see what happens. i feel pretty great, minus this sicky thing. and i am, once again, addicted to reading up on nutrition and calculating calories for my favorite recipes etc. etc. etc. it's nice to be back here again. thanks for being here with me.

food
daily needs:
calories - 1500
protein - 73
fiber - 25 

granola (breakfast and snack) with soymilk: 478c, 10p, 8f
leftover veggie pizza: 320c, 16p, 4f
avocado and tomato sandwich: 544c, 10.75p, 8.5f
three triscuits: 60c, 1.5p, 1.5f
one ounce pepperjack: 110c, 7p, 0f
three tortilla chips: 45c, 0p, 0f

totals: 1557c, 45.25p, 21.5f
need: -57c, 27.25, 3.5f

exercise
running: 40 min. at about 6.5mph = 518c
 
net:  1039

day 4 part 2: the sloth emerges

whoo! i ran today! i decided to do the minimum amount that the training thing suggests, since i have to do a long run tomorrow which i'm much more concerned about doing well than today's short run. the run was kind of miserable, partly because it was so much less than i want to be running, and probably because i'm sick, was in bed all morning and it's hot! it's actually not hot, it's perfect, but it felt oppressive all the same.

so far today plus what i'm eating for dinner:

food
daily needs:
calories - 1500
protein - 73
fiber - 25

1/2c homemade granola: 239c, 5p, 4f
1/2c soymilk: 75c, 3.5p, 0.5f
salmon: 321c, 37p, 1f
1c whole wheat couscous: 180c, 7p, 3f


post-dinner totals: 815c, 52.5p, 8.5f
need:  685c, 20.5p, 16.5

...yeah, i need to eat more. things that are protein and fiber-y.

exercise
running, 20 minutes (ugh how pathetic does that sound): 245c

net: 570c

i've spent about an hour outside today. i walked around for awhile after running and will probably go outside to read before going out tonight.

and the mindfulness thing? i'm almost painfully aware today. but i guess that's better than not noticing, right?


update on food:
veggie pizza: 320c, 16p, 4f
totals: 1135c, 68p, 12.5f
need: 365c, 5p, 12.5f
net: 890c

update 2:
beer: 260c, 2p, 0f
peanuts: 60c, 5p, 1f
totals: 1455c, 75p, 13.5f
need: 45c, 0p, 11.5f
net: 1210c

day 4: i sound like a robot.

i'm still sick. and still going running today. it's happening.

day 3: I AM A FAILURE and records

okay, guys. i was feeling kind of sick the other day, started to feel better and woke up sick again today. my day off from exercise is supposed to be tomorrow, but since i a) feel awful and b) it's pouring, i'm taking my day off today. i've been fighting this all day but i was feeling worse, not better, as the day progressed. and sometimes it's just time.


oh, and the rapture's happening tomorrow, which means some pre-rapture fun tonight. equals i need to not feel like garbage sometime before 9. the guy at the liquor store (who, by the way, was wearing a purple shirt and purple pants) said, "have a sensual night and an iconic tomorrow." hm.
 

food [updated 5/21]
daily needs:
calories - 1500
protein - 73
fiber - 25


1/2c Greek Gods Greek yogurt: 130 cal, 4g protein, 0g fiber
1/2c blueberries: 40 cal, 0g protein, 3g fiber
papparadelle with peas and mushrooms: 615c, 27p, 3.5f
1c chilled avocado soup: 152c, 6.2p, 4.5f
1c romaine: 8 cal, 0g protein, 1g fiber
1 tbsp Green Goddess dressing: 75 cal, 0g protein, 0g fiber
1c patta gobhi: 100c, 3p, 3f
1c white rice: 170c, 1p, 2f
drinks: 378c, 0p, 0f
palak paneer: 240c, 13p, 4f

totals: 1908c, 54.2p, 21f
need: -408c, 18.8p, 4f

yuck. probably because i'm anticipating that a lot of calories will come from non-nutritious alcohol. sorry i'm not sorry. the rapture is tomorrow, after all. this is my last chance to drink with my non-heathen friends...(at least i'm not into beer on nights like this.)

and no, i definitely didn't spend an hour outside today because i'm a failure. but i bet i spent about 15 min? and i'm planning on walking to the party later, so maybe 45 min total? that's not so bad after all.

day 2 part 3: records.

first things first! i changed the colors a little bit. is it easier to read now??
 okay, on to le post.

things i believe:
-in order to make healthy eating sustainable, you have to eat things that are delicious and sometimes even bad for you. if you don't, one day you will be sitting in front of something tempting and fattening and before you know it, all of it will be on your thighs. all. over. your thighs.
-i need to get better at actually following my exercise plans and not trying to be more ambitious than they're asking for. since i was injured december-the beginning of april and couldn't run, i need to ease myself back into running, which is not easy for me since in my brain i can still do an easy nine miles. to make myself start and build slowly, i'm doing a 10k plan from fitness (my favorite magazine in the universe) that includes cross-training, intervals, hills and all the fun stuff. today it said run 25 minutes. a year ago, i would've made that 45. today i ran 25.
-it takes good friends to keep you on track. i had a lovely dinner with some dear friends tonight and it was fantastic
-running at night is a revelation when you haven't done it since the winter. also, broken social scene "anthems for a seventeen year-old girl" is brain/running/nostalgia crack when you haven't heard it in awhile and it comes on shuffle at the end of your run
-i am a runner. i forget this. i forget how addicted to it i get, and how good it feels. why does anyone ever stop exercising after they start? if we could figure that out there would be a lot of hottie, healthy americans walking around, n'est pas?




food
daily needs:
calories - 1500
protein - 73
fiber - 25

2 eggs: 126c, 6p, 0f

papparadelle with peas and mushrooms: 615c, 27p, 3.5f
1c chilled avocado soup: 152c, 6.2p, 4.5f
2 chicken momo:188c, 6.5p, 3f
1/2c white rice: 85c, 2p, 1f
random nepali food (estimated based on the fattiest of all nutrition facts): 280c, 8p, 4f
1 truffle: 100c, 1p, 0f


totals: 1546c, 56p, 16f
need: -46c (any ideas on how to make that happen?), 17p, 9f


exercise
running:
25 minutes, about 307 calories



NET: 1240c


and i spent about two hours outside today, at least. and i've begun to think of running as meditation, since i can only focus on one big goal at a time. it's my moving, brain-clearing meditation, the pounding of my feet on pavement. and whenever i'm tired, i just think about how grateful i am for the amazing things my body can do. thanks, body.

<3<3
a

day 2b: oversharing and test results!

okay guys. since i'm still only two days in i'm OBSESSED with blogging, if you haven't noticed. so...don't worry. i'm sure this will die out before the end of may.

so i just got off the phone with my doctor, who i LOVE. if you are in the TC area and want a new doctor/are looking for a doctor/are indifferent about your doctor, you should start going to edina sports health and wellness immediately. srsly. i love them. i'm actually in love with my doctor's office. this never happens.

i went to get my blood tested earlier this week for the fourth or fifth time in a year because i'm exhausted. like, can't get out of bed, need to go to bed at 6pm, nine-hours-of-sleep-a-night-is-not-enough exhausted. and yes, i get less sleep than i probably should some nights, but i'm usually not awful about it, and it doesn't warrant this kind of exhaustion.

and yes, it's depression and a million other things BUT get this: my vitamin d levels have been terrifyingly low every time. and i take supplements!

i've been taking 2.5x the recommended daily dose (per my doctor's instructions) for months. a week before my blood test, i started taking 5x the recommended amount (another doctor's instructions). i got my blood tested and it's still low. i'm supposed to stay at this dose for another couple of months and see what happens. plus it's spring so i'm outside all the time. (then again, i'm often outside all the time because of that running thing.) but apparently my body is really, really bad at vitamin d which is unfortunate.

ALSO i get my thyroid tested every time i get my blood tested, just to see if that's what it is. but, thank you conventional medicine, my TSH (most often tested) is normal. it's another hormone that's low, and the ratio between two key thyroid hormones that are low. so i should've been taking something for it all along. my doctor (being the ridiculously awesome man that he is, yes he's a man and yes i'm more comfortable with him than i've ever been with any medical professional) is checking with my other doctor (yes i have more than one) to see if it's a good time to adjust this medication (i'm also adjusting others). and then maybe i will start to be awake again!

the thing is that this could be part of why it's always so hard for me to lose weight, even when i'm eating well, exercising regularly and getting lots of sleep/drinking water etc. i've stayed within the same five pound range for a really long time, despite running absurd amounts, keeping a close eye on my diet etc. etc. etc. anyway. i'm excited to see what happens to my energy levels once we treat stuff.


(that was probably not even mildly interesting to anyone else, but i'm super excited, as you can tell.)

i do want to just give a quick little history of ana and exercise and diet that i haven't quite touched on:

a) when i'm on, i'm on. i don't half-ass healthy eating or exercise or even general wellness.
b) when i'm off, i'm not always completely off, but sometimes can be.
c) despite having healthy habits at several points over the last few years, i literally haven't lost more than two pounds at a time in four-ish years. even when i was running 30 miles a week, monitoring nutrition closely etc. it's been more frustrating than i can tell you to watch some of my friends lose weight doing much less, but my body is, for whatever reason, incredibly resistant. and although no, i'm not horribly overweight, i'm definitely carrying some extra pounds, and have been since the summer after my freshman year of college.
d) now that i'm dealing with some broader issues (fatigue, motivation, attention etc.) i'm really excited to see where this takes me on my quest to health.

okay. maybe that's enough blogging for the moment. but let's be honest, i may just write again later on when i get back from tonight's plans (which promise to be emily-tastic!)

day 2: fitness honeymoon and bikes

i always feel fantastic during the first few days of kicking my butt back into shape.

this morning, i woke up at six, cooked lunch for the next two days (pappardelle with peas and mushrooms), actually made my own coffee (and drank it. THE SAME DAY!), showered and did some dishes.

of course, now it's almost 11am and i'm falling asleep at my desk. but that's normal. at least the soreness in my legs is there to remind me that i am, once again, a real human.

in other news, i'm in the market for a bike. sure, i have one. i've owned it since 6th or 7th grade and it says "SNAKEROCK" on the side and its chain and pedals are almost entirely rusted through because i'm irresponsible and left it in a mound of snow all winter. also i think it was about $100 and i bought it at meijer (like super target, only way, way, way better).

it's clearly time to upgrade, and just in time! the commuter challenge bike/walk week is june 4-12. my friend miranda and i both live in minneapolis and work in st. paul and dammit, we're going to bike. it will actually be sort of perfect since we can take the greenway most of the way...i'm more than a little excited, although it's probably going to be an exhausting week.

here's the problem/best part: i'm thinking about buying a fixie. (clearly i'm way too uptown for my own good.) i've never owned one and i know they take some getting used to...i went on a date with a guy who had a fixie once and i tried it. it was cool, except it was about 6 feet too tall for me (story of my life) and i was semi-injured at the time. the guy didn't last, but my obsession with fixies hasn't ended.

the thing is, i know i'm not hipster enough for this. let's just be honest. i own a car, i have a full-time job, i don't own any flannel and i organize my co-op list by department. can i really justify spending $500 on a bike that will, i'm sure, become a running joke among my friends? and is it worth it for how fantastic these bikes are supposed to be? (also, when was the time that bikes became SO EXPENSIVE!?)

i think i'm going to need to go bike shopping ASAP.

i am excited for bike season, though. for a few summers, i've spent as much time on a bike as possible, although admittedly most of my bike riding has been out in the country by my mom's house and not really in lieu of car travel. in any case, i've loved it. even when i literally almost ran into a bull that was randomly in the middle of the road last summer. (let's not even talk about the goats and chickens. thank you, rural michigan, for existing.) even with those attempts, though, i haven't really become an avid cyclist. (what a disgusting word. cyclist.) but i live in the TC now, so it seems inevitable.

anyway. i'll probably be posting like a crazy until i get tired/lazy/hungry again, so prepare your inboxes (why does this browser want me to type the grammatically incorrect "inbox's?") for all the ana that's about to flood it...

yours in late-morning exhaustion,
a

day 1 part 2: records

so...i'm not exactly sure how the records posts are going to go from here on out. i suspect they'll be more about me than you, which i sort of apologize for but hey. it's my blog. sort of.

i think i'm going to try and keep track of my goals by number. i'm checking my protein and fiber because fiber's important! and i've been told a few times that i'm probably not getting enough protein.

..until. now.

goal 2a and b: log food/exercise

food

daily needs:
calories - 1500 (assuming rigorous exercise)
protein - 73
fiber - 25

1 minneola: 70 cal, 1g protein, 3g fiber
1/2c whole wheat couscous: 90 cal, 3.5g protein, 1.5g fiber
1/2c Greek Gods Greek yogurt: 130 cal, 4g protein, 0g fiber
1/2c blueberries: 40 cal, 0g protein, 3g fiber
1c romaine: 8 cal, 0g protein, 1g fiber
1/3c cannellini beans: 66 cal, 4g protein, 3g fiber
1 tbsp Green Goddess dressing: 75 cal, 0g protein, 0g fiber
1/4c cucumber: 0, 0, 0
1c chilled avocado soup: 152c, 6.2p, 4.5f
1 oz pepperjack cheese: 110c, 7p, 0f
salmon with mango-kiwi relish: 321c, 36.8p, 1f
1c ww couscous: 180c, 7p, 3f

so, after dinner: 1242c, 69.5p, 20f

need: 258c, 3.5p, 5f


exercise
running:
5 min warm-up/5 min cool-down
10 1-minute sprints
10 2-minute recoveries
= about 430 calories


...and i did yoga for about 15 minutes. hey, it was 5am. i think 15 minutes is admirable for that early in the day, right?

AND i ran around the state capitol leaving snarky gifts for legislators. (http://mnpublius.com/post/5610410978/these-little-boxes-showed-up-on-the-desks-of-house) so...that.

alright. net calories: too low. equals my body will go into starvation mode and start hanging on to everything i even consider eating. gross.

goal 4: be outside for at least an hour every day: mission accomplished. not as much time as i've spent outside in recent days, but probably over an hour and a half. it was gorgeous outside

goal 5: mindfulness. i soaked in as much of the sunset during my run as i could. it was so, so beautiful. even all of the bugs i ate.



thanks for hanging in there for my first day! many, many blog posts to come.

<3<3

day 1: goals

the thing is that it's time. it's time. i've been thinking about starting a blog for a few years, and have been thinking about fitness, health and general wellness since i can remember. and this summer is finally going to be the summer where i do it.

family, friends, strangers, enemies: welcome to the fat blog. my fat blog. this is the place where i'm enlisting your attention to keep me on track, in the mindset of wellness and not unhealthiness, for the entire. summer. (and beyond.)

history of flab

since i can remember, i've been uncomfortable with my weight. when i was little, i'd spend the summer in my swimsuit with my friends, constantly thinking about whether my belly was sticking out more than theirs. as i got older, i gained more and more weight and was increasingly discontent with my body. in middle school and high school, this discomfort led to long bouts of anorexia, unhealthy exercise habits and general malnutrition/mistreatment of my body.

by the end of high school, i'd conquered many - but not all - of these demons. but in college, long bouts of depression kept me from losing weight, even as i became a serious runner, sometimes running 30 miles a week. in fact, by the end of the summer after my sophomore year, i was the heaviest (read: fattest) i've ever been. (or will ever be, god willing.)

the last few weeks of that summer found me in france with my grandpa and our italian/french family. my cousin berengere was getting married, and i'd brought a beautiful blue floral dress with me to wear to the wedding. when we first arrived, i noticed that the zipper was broken and asked elizabeth, my grandpa's 70-something niece-in-law, to fix it for me. she did so gladly.

the day before the wedding, i pulled the dress over my head and found...that it didn't fit. the zipper would allow me to zip past my stomach up most of my back, but would not go any further.

here's the part where i went into the panic that all women who have ever struggled with weight (so, all women) know well:

1) denial: the zipper must be bad. why didn't elizabeth check it before she sewed it into my dress?

2) anger: this zipper HAS TO WORK. WHY IS IT NOT WORKING.

3) bargaining: maybe i could wear a tanktop underneath it, fold up the sides that won't zip and that will somehow nudge the zipper up my back, around my boobs and into figure-flattering heaven.

at this point, i left my room, found elizabeth and asked for her help. her response was to tell me that of course the previous zipper was broken: the dress didn't fit! and my tanktop was dirty. and i'd ruin the dress if i tried any harder. and why did i not try it on before the trip (pre-stage 1 denial?), and maybe i could borrow something of hers (made for 170-pound women under 5'1'' who wore then-fashionable mother-of-the-bride dresses somewhere around 1972), and no my other dress wasn't nice enough to wear to a wedding.

and then, she said the thing that all women implicitly know but never, ever, can stand hearing:

"tu as grossit."

basically:

"you got fat."

the worst part? she was right.

4) depression: i was so upset that i couldn't eat dinner. (at which point elizabeth said something to the effect of, "well, you can't fix it now. you should've stopped eating months ago if you wanted to wear that dress.")

5) acceptance: ....

the irony? i'd spent the whole summer attempting to get back into my best running shape and spent hours at the gym each week running and lifting weights. the moment i got to france, i started daily (sometimes twice-daily) runs along the beautiful hills lining my family's property. but that summer, like so months before and since, i just wasn't taking care of myself wholly. sure, i exercised, but i didn't always eat well, i wasn't active in my daily life and i was going through a terrible depression that i wasn't really dealing with.

i've come a very long way since then but, like all of us, i still have a lot of work to do.

goals (for this blog and this summer)

1) post at least every other day
2) log exercise and food (tracking fruits/vegetables, calories and protein intake)
3) try one new thing a week
4) spend at least an hour outside a day (even when it's disgusting out)
5) bring mindfulness to healthy living


i'm hoping this will actually be fun to read, eventually. i would love, love, love your help with the following:

1) follow my blog!
2) post comments whenever you have them
3) send this blog to other people. the more audience pressure on me, the better


okay, guys. let's do this. operation ana battles the pink robots. and...go.